Guilty pleasures. Kind of a weird phrase to use. Why should I feel guilty about something I take pleasure in? Why am I ashamed of the things I enjoy? The things I enjoy doing are part of my personality, and I will not be embarassed by them. So here's a list of the "Top Five Things I Enjoy and Refuse to Feel Guilty About Even Though They Are Quite Mock-Able."
5. Julie Andrews
I should say that I am not even a little ashamed of my love affair with Julie Andrews. Since the first time I saw Mary Poppins, I have followed her career closely, and after I saw The Sound of Music, I resolved to play Maria in a stage version at some point in my life. If I could be anyone else in the world, well, I'd have to think about it, but I think I would be Julie Andrews. Even the fact that a lot of her movies are lame cannot dull this love. I saw the Shrek sequels purely because of her involvement.
4. Figure Skating
I don't even follow figure skating very closely, but I just love watching it. The skaters are so graceful, and their movements are so smooth, even though they're flying across the ice with the great potential of a messy fall. Their athletic ability astounds me. When I was little I wanted to learn, and taught myself a few very basic things (read: I can skate backwards), but that dream quickly died when I discovered... gymnastics. (I really think there's an athlete somewhere inside of me, although my experience on a high school basketball team would be evidence to the contrary.)
3. Shirley Temple
There are probably a lot of people who have no idea who Shirley Temple is, but even as an adult I love this little girl's black-and-white 1930s films. She is completely adorable. When I was younger I would ask my mom to curl my hair just like Shirley's, which was rarely successful. My third grade speech was the story of her life. I own most of her early movies on VHS. She's just so loveable, and I hope my future children will love her as much as I do.
2. Michael BubleI have to say that I just love Michael Buble's music. I love singing along while he croons everything from jazz standards to Christmas carols to original songs. I love his backup band and I would simultaneously play the bass while singing harmony and exchanging smiles with the man himself. Step one: Learn more than a C-major scale on the bass.
1. High School Musical
For all I've said about not being ashamed about things that you enjoy, I am legitimately embarassed by my love for High School Musical. When the first movie came out, I was skeptical. Really? A musical about high school? But I watched it. And loved it. And bought the soundtrack. And sang along while dancing in my room. This also goes for the two sequels, which I didn't even really like, but was inexpicably drawn to all the same.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Answers
What's next for Sarah?
For almost a year, I have had no answer for this question. The question never changes. The answer never changes. I don't know. It's probably the most often used phrase in my vocabulary.
Where do you see yourself in ten years? Five years? What is your passion? What do you enjoy doing? I have no answers.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you how mind-numbingly frustrating it is to have no answers. I can't come up with answers. I haven't been given answers.
You might think, How exciting! The world is your oyster. The future is wide-open! It's an adventure waiting to unfold. No. No, it isn't. It's actually terrifying. Try staring at a university degree with no aspirations and see how excited you feel. Dread is what you feel.
I don't know.
For almost a year, I have had no answer for this question. The question never changes. The answer never changes. I don't know. It's probably the most often used phrase in my vocabulary.
Where do you see yourself in ten years? Five years? What is your passion? What do you enjoy doing? I have no answers.
I'm sure I don't have to tell you how mind-numbingly frustrating it is to have no answers. I can't come up with answers. I haven't been given answers.
You might think, How exciting! The world is your oyster. The future is wide-open! It's an adventure waiting to unfold. No. No, it isn't. It's actually terrifying. Try staring at a university degree with no aspirations and see how excited you feel. Dread is what you feel.
I don't know.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
[Not] In Danger
Today we had a bit of a scare in Lethbridge. All day we experienced extremely high winds (gusting up to 100 km/h) which snapped trees in half, tore shingles from roofs, smashed car windows, and toppled power lines. To add insult to injury (I guess in context, more like injury to insult), a wildfire developed just west of the city. The high winds propelled the fire to spread extensively, endangering homes outside of the city. Areas were evacuated, roads closed, and the entire Westside of Lethbridge became virtually isolated from the rest of the city. About five hours later, the city reported that the fire had been contained, the evacuation alerts were off, and most evacuees could return home.
Fire is always a possibility, but I have never been in a situation before when it seemed so imminent. My neighborhood was not placed on evacuation alert and it was not one of the endangered areas, but worrying about the possible danger that could result, if conditions were right, made me sick to my stomach. I paced, checking the city's website, an emergency alert website, and various Twitter feeds, about every five minutes. I even tuned the radio to a country station so I could stay on top of the updates! There was no shortage of silent desperate prayers sent up either.
Please, Lord, let us keep our homes. I knew that my life was not in danger. The evacuation notice would be given with plenty of time to leave safely. It was my belongings that I was most worried about. I've often thought about what I would bring if I had to leave my home. The computers, of course, since they hold all of our photos and music. My huge collection of keepsakes. My horn. The photo albums, home movies. A few changes of clothes, a blanket, my purse. I'd raid the bathroom. If there was enough time, a few favorites from my wardrobe. If I ever had to evacuate, I'm sure it would take a number of trips to the car to get everything ready to go.
Tonight, I have learned (or rather, become much more aware of) these two things: first, I am far more attached to my possessions than I had previously thought; and two, I do not handle frightening situations even remotely well.
I generally consider myself to be one of the more level-headed members of society. This is fairly true: I stay calm while others panic about deadlines, I have never had an obsessive celebrity crush, I can approach problems with a realistic view. Over the years I've come to realize that as soon as I find myself in a situation which I perceive to be dangerous, I completely lose my head. I feel sick, I imagine all possible scenarios, I pace, I search desperately for more information.
This happens rarely. As a child, it was brought on by everything from an argument between my parents to the dark storms which I convinced myself would bring tornadoes. Recently, it was brought on by the prospect of a red-eye Greyhound trip to Vancouver, events at camp during one week this summer, and tonight's wildfire. By God's grace, none of these things ever developed into the situations I, in fear, had predicted.
There isn't much purpose in this post, except to put on paper the things I find myself feeling in this moment. Take from it what you will.
Life returns to normal; our God is a good God.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Item Description
Sarah, 22, Lethbridge.
Sarah possesses a music degree from the University of Lethbridge.
Sarah plays the French horn.
Sarah enjoys school, except when deadlines loom.
Sarah does not handle stress well.
Sarah likes to drive.
Sarah likes to travel, except the getting-there part in most cases.
Sarah listens to all kinds of music, so Sarah's mix tapes do not flow well at all.
Sarah lives in cleanliness, and hates clutter.
Sarah really doesn't like cleaning bathrooms.
Sarah does not like to try to access her right brain, but she does possess one.
Sarah likes to spend time outdoors.
Sarah enjoys the wintertime.
Sarah operates on various types of lists.
Sarah loves to cross things off of lists.
Sarah has a difficult time functioning without her day planner.
Sarah has a perfectly good time functioning without her cell phone.
Sarah does not desire any Apple products. Currently.
Sarah thinks her own sense of humour is completely hilarious.
Sarah is a hippie, but only inwardly.
Sarah dislikes, and usually catches errors in grammar, spelling, and sentance structure.
Sarah has a hard time thinking of things to write in her blog.
Sarah possesses a music degree from the University of Lethbridge.
Sarah plays the French horn.
Sarah enjoys school, except when deadlines loom.
Sarah does not handle stress well.
Sarah likes to drive.
Sarah likes to travel, except the getting-there part in most cases.
Sarah listens to all kinds of music, so Sarah's mix tapes do not flow well at all.
Sarah lives in cleanliness, and hates clutter.
Sarah really doesn't like cleaning bathrooms.
Sarah does not like to try to access her right brain, but she does possess one.
Sarah likes to spend time outdoors.
Sarah enjoys the wintertime.
Sarah operates on various types of lists.
Sarah loves to cross things off of lists.
Sarah has a difficult time functioning without her day planner.
Sarah has a perfectly good time functioning without her cell phone.
Sarah does not desire any Apple products. Currently.
Sarah thinks her own sense of humour is completely hilarious.
Sarah is a hippie, but only inwardly.
Sarah dislikes, and usually catches errors in grammar, spelling, and sentance structure.
Sarah has a hard time thinking of things to write in her blog.
Friday, October 14, 2011
What's in a Blog?
This one was begun with the intent of wowing the world with philosophical tidbits and spiritual profundity. I've come to realize, though, that there isn't much I could say that hasn't already been said, at least in some form, by someone else. That's a fairly loaded statement in itself, but I do think it holds true in general cases. Obviously the comments I make on my own experiences are original - unless, of course, if some friend made the same observation weeks earlier but I only came to realize its truth much later.
What I mean to say is that treating my blog as a field for philosophical and spiritual exploration exclusively hasn't been a giant success.
What does this mean to me? I can write about all the things!
What does this mean to you? You'll have something to read from me more often!
Hip hip hooray for doing away with self-imposed limits!
What I mean to say is that treating my blog as a field for philosophical and spiritual exploration exclusively hasn't been a giant success.
What does this mean to me? I can write about all the things!
What does this mean to you? You'll have something to read from me more often!
Hip hip hooray for doing away with self-imposed limits!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Just like a child
I still catch myself using the phrase "when I grow up."
I always thought I'd be grown up once I reached age 18. That's when you become an adult, after all.
But here I am, 22, feeling just as far from being a grown-up as I ever was. I feel weird calling myself a woman and still think of myself as a girl. I don't always know exactly what to say, and I feel tongue-tied most of the time. I have a terrible time making all kinds of decisions, from career paths to summer jobs to breakfast cereals. I can't cook. I hate sharing. I judge people and gossip and I have a short temper.
It's the worst when I act like a child without choosing to. It tells me that I'm not even a child pretending to be an adult - just a kid who didn't know any better.
Of course it's a process, not a sudden change. I'm just impatient - like a child.
I always thought I'd be grown up once I reached age 18. That's when you become an adult, after all.
But here I am, 22, feeling just as far from being a grown-up as I ever was. I feel weird calling myself a woman and still think of myself as a girl. I don't always know exactly what to say, and I feel tongue-tied most of the time. I have a terrible time making all kinds of decisions, from career paths to summer jobs to breakfast cereals. I can't cook. I hate sharing. I judge people and gossip and I have a short temper.
It's the worst when I act like a child without choosing to. It tells me that I'm not even a child pretending to be an adult - just a kid who didn't know any better.
Of course it's a process, not a sudden change. I'm just impatient - like a child.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
He Leadeth Me
The story is told of a man on an African safari deep in the jungle. The guide before him had a machete and was whacking away the tall weeds and thick underbrush. The traveler, wearied and hot, asked in frustration, "Where are we? Do you know where you are taking me? Where is the path?!" The seasoned guide stopped and looked back at the man and replied, "I am the path."
We ask the same questions, don't we? We ask God, "Where are you taking me? Where is the path?" And he, like the guide, doesn't tell us. Oh, he may give us a hint or two, but that's all. If he did, would we understand? Would we comprehend our location? No, like the traveler, we are unacquainted with this jungle. So rather than give us an answer, Jesus gives us a far greater gift. He gives us himself.
Does he remove the jungle? No, the vegetation is still thick.
Does he purge the predators? No, danger still lurks.
Jesus doesn't give hope by changing the jungle; he restores our hope by giving us himself. And he has promised to stay until the very end.
(From Max Lucado, Traveling Light)
The issue I'm struggling with most, at the moment, is with finding out God's plan for my life. I have so many questions, and so many options, and all I really want to do is find out what he wants for me and then do it.
I thought about Jonah today. God specifically told Jonah to go to Ninevah. Jonah deliberately disobeyed God, but he ended up in Ninevah anyway. God's will couldn't be altered, even when Jonah ran the opposite way and hid.
That's a comforting thought. There's nothing I can do to mess up God's plan for me. I am committed to going where he leads and I am confident that he'll steer me as I go. There's no need to worry about the future.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105) It isn't a map, high-tech GPS, or even a series of equally spaced streetlights. He'll show me where to go, one step at a time, and I trust him.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
(He Leadeth Me, Joseph Gilmore, 1862)
We ask the same questions, don't we? We ask God, "Where are you taking me? Where is the path?" And he, like the guide, doesn't tell us. Oh, he may give us a hint or two, but that's all. If he did, would we understand? Would we comprehend our location? No, like the traveler, we are unacquainted with this jungle. So rather than give us an answer, Jesus gives us a far greater gift. He gives us himself.
Does he remove the jungle? No, the vegetation is still thick.
Does he purge the predators? No, danger still lurks.
Jesus doesn't give hope by changing the jungle; he restores our hope by giving us himself. And he has promised to stay until the very end.
(From Max Lucado, Traveling Light)
The issue I'm struggling with most, at the moment, is with finding out God's plan for my life. I have so many questions, and so many options, and all I really want to do is find out what he wants for me and then do it.
I thought about Jonah today. God specifically told Jonah to go to Ninevah. Jonah deliberately disobeyed God, but he ended up in Ninevah anyway. God's will couldn't be altered, even when Jonah ran the opposite way and hid.
That's a comforting thought. There's nothing I can do to mess up God's plan for me. I am committed to going where he leads and I am confident that he'll steer me as I go. There's no need to worry about the future.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." (Psalm 119:105) It isn't a map, high-tech GPS, or even a series of equally spaced streetlights. He'll show me where to go, one step at a time, and I trust him.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
(He Leadeth Me, Joseph Gilmore, 1862)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Further Up and Further In!
Then they all went forward together, always Westward, for that seemed to be the direction Aslan had meant when he cried out, "Further up and further in." ...
It was the Unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right forehoof on the ground and neighed, and then cried:
"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this. Bree-hee-hee! Come further up, come further in!"
(From C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle)
Timidly and hesitantly I have begun this new experience of posting my thoughts and ideas in this very public forum. It's a way to sort out the jumble of things commanding my attention all at once. Here I will write and ramble my way further up and further in, toward a greater and deeper knowledge of myself and my world and God, answering and asking questions all along.
"Come further up, come further in!"
It was the Unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right forehoof on the ground and neighed, and then cried:
"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that it sometimes looked a little like this. Bree-hee-hee! Come further up, come further in!"
(From C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle)
Timidly and hesitantly I have begun this new experience of posting my thoughts and ideas in this very public forum. It's a way to sort out the jumble of things commanding my attention all at once. Here I will write and ramble my way further up and further in, toward a greater and deeper knowledge of myself and my world and God, answering and asking questions all along.
"Come further up, come further in!"
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Storytelling
"Live a better story."
This isn't a new idea; I've frequently been encouraged to live more spontaneously, to spice up my life, and to try something new every day. Most often this is advised with the giver's intent of creating more excitement for the hearer. Adventures are great memories to accompany old age and create fascinating stories for future generations. Basically, there is personal gain to be had by living a better story in this sense.
Recently, however, the intent has changed. I've been urged to live a better story for God. God has given me the gift of life, and he "has come so that [we] may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) Life should be treated as a gift and so it should be cherished, not wasted as many are apt to do. I live to show the glory of God; I exist to serve God and to serve his people and be and to show how amazing he is. To serve God is to live adventurously, accepting the risk of persecution and facing the evil in the world. Living in accordance with God's will for me is my greatest hope and will be the most fulfilling life I could have. To live a better story for God is a noble ambition.
What I have struggled with in the Live a Better Story philosophy is the implication of evil, or sin, in living a non-adventurous life. I have not read the Donald Miller books that describe this idea, and so my knowledge is admittedly incomplete. It has been my (perhaps completely backwards) impression, though, that failing to take advantage of life's opportunities is displeasing to God, since he created them to be enjoyed by his people.
I'm not sure if I believe that God's called everyone to live adventurous lives. Certainly there are those who have been called to such lives, but surely it is possible to please God greatly with a quiet, enduring faith while serving him close to home.
Perhaps the issue I have is with the definition of "adventurous." It is a risk in itself to become a follower of God, and God's will for each of his followers includes many adventures of different kinds. God will use soup kitchen volunteers as much as he'll use missionaries to developing countries.
God has a great plan for each of us. It is my prayer that we would submit to his will and go where he leads. This will be the greatest adventure of all.
This isn't a new idea; I've frequently been encouraged to live more spontaneously, to spice up my life, and to try something new every day. Most often this is advised with the giver's intent of creating more excitement for the hearer. Adventures are great memories to accompany old age and create fascinating stories for future generations. Basically, there is personal gain to be had by living a better story in this sense.
Recently, however, the intent has changed. I've been urged to live a better story for God. God has given me the gift of life, and he "has come so that [we] may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) Life should be treated as a gift and so it should be cherished, not wasted as many are apt to do. I live to show the glory of God; I exist to serve God and to serve his people and be and to show how amazing he is. To serve God is to live adventurously, accepting the risk of persecution and facing the evil in the world. Living in accordance with God's will for me is my greatest hope and will be the most fulfilling life I could have. To live a better story for God is a noble ambition.
What I have struggled with in the Live a Better Story philosophy is the implication of evil, or sin, in living a non-adventurous life. I have not read the Donald Miller books that describe this idea, and so my knowledge is admittedly incomplete. It has been my (perhaps completely backwards) impression, though, that failing to take advantage of life's opportunities is displeasing to God, since he created them to be enjoyed by his people.
I'm not sure if I believe that God's called everyone to live adventurous lives. Certainly there are those who have been called to such lives, but surely it is possible to please God greatly with a quiet, enduring faith while serving him close to home.
Perhaps the issue I have is with the definition of "adventurous." It is a risk in itself to become a follower of God, and God's will for each of his followers includes many adventures of different kinds. God will use soup kitchen volunteers as much as he'll use missionaries to developing countries.
God has a great plan for each of us. It is my prayer that we would submit to his will and go where he leads. This will be the greatest adventure of all.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
What kind of spirit?
Here's the conversation I've been having with God over the last few months...
Sarah: God, I've been thinking a lot about what I should do once I finish my music degree this spring. I can't really seem to come to any sort of conclusion... I don't even really know what my career dreams are. All I really want is to follow your will, which I know is good and perfect and just right for me. Please guide me to follow your will.
God: ... ... ... ...
(Later)
S: God, I know your will is perfect, and even though I can't tell where I'm going, I'll follow you if you'll lead me. I don't need to make a decision for a while anyway.
G: ... ... ... ...
(Later)
S: God, it's really difficult right now to lack answers. I don't care that I can't give anyone an answer to the question, "What will you do next year?" but I do care that I can't answer that question for myself. I'm feeling very anxious and I really pray that you'd open my eyes to your will so I could have some direction.
G: ... ... ... ...
(Later)
S: God, I'm trying very hard to trust in your will right now, but I'm having a really hard time doing that when I can't see where the path leads at all. I feel unfocused and lacking in direction and it's frustrating. How can I know whether I'm following your will? How can I know which opportunities to take and which to pass up? How can I know what to research? I know you're not asking me to sit around waiting for you to place something in my lap... Even if you did that, how would I know it was you who had done it? Father, I've asked for guidance and for you to take my hand and lead me, but I still feel as lost as ever. I know you haven't left me. What should I do?
G: ... ... ... ...
Through all this, God's been patiently trying to develop in me a new kind of spirit: a teachable spirit. A spirit of patience, of peace, of faithfulness. My desperate cries for direction have gone unanswered (for now). I suppose I'm meant to discover the art of waiting in faithfulness and trust. Perhaps only when I can trust God fully and realize that he knows his plans for me will he open my eyes and reveal his will. I know it'll be worth the wait.
Sarah: God, I've been thinking a lot about what I should do once I finish my music degree this spring. I can't really seem to come to any sort of conclusion... I don't even really know what my career dreams are. All I really want is to follow your will, which I know is good and perfect and just right for me. Please guide me to follow your will.
God: ... ... ... ...
(Later)
S: God, I know your will is perfect, and even though I can't tell where I'm going, I'll follow you if you'll lead me. I don't need to make a decision for a while anyway.
G: ... ... ... ...
(Later)
S: God, it's really difficult right now to lack answers. I don't care that I can't give anyone an answer to the question, "What will you do next year?" but I do care that I can't answer that question for myself. I'm feeling very anxious and I really pray that you'd open my eyes to your will so I could have some direction.
G: ... ... ... ...
(Later)
S: God, I'm trying very hard to trust in your will right now, but I'm having a really hard time doing that when I can't see where the path leads at all. I feel unfocused and lacking in direction and it's frustrating. How can I know whether I'm following your will? How can I know which opportunities to take and which to pass up? How can I know what to research? I know you're not asking me to sit around waiting for you to place something in my lap... Even if you did that, how would I know it was you who had done it? Father, I've asked for guidance and for you to take my hand and lead me, but I still feel as lost as ever. I know you haven't left me. What should I do?
G: ... ... ... ...
Through all this, God's been patiently trying to develop in me a new kind of spirit: a teachable spirit. A spirit of patience, of peace, of faithfulness. My desperate cries for direction have gone unanswered (for now). I suppose I'm meant to discover the art of waiting in faithfulness and trust. Perhaps only when I can trust God fully and realize that he knows his plans for me will he open my eyes and reveal his will. I know it'll be worth the wait.
To close, a song that matches better my sentiments than my tone:
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