Catching Up

It's been almost two months since my last post. Lest I drift from negligence to complete irresponsibility in blogging, here's an update:

I continued to search for jobs, and even interviewed for a few options, but nothing came up. This is odd because I am awesome. (Maybe I was too cocky.)

When I was not job-hunting, I was practicing for my audition for the Master of Music program at U of L. Once I had finished playing, my nerves completely fried, I still had to sit down for my interrogation with members of the music faculty. Did I say interrogation? I meant interview. "No pressure," they said. "Stop spouting off unnecessary information," I told my brain. They asked, I rambled, they laughed, I turned red, they accepted me. What? They accepted me! Yes, you are reading a post by one of the U of L's newest graduate students! Classes will begin in September and I could not be more excited to haunt those narrow halls once again.

Practicing ALL THE TIME.

I realized that it was time to go home, and arrived by bus in Kelowna just in time for my mom's birthday. It was wonderful to spend a week with my family, enjoying the beautiful mountains and spring air. Kelowna is a fantastic place and I wish it were home to me. It looks like a home, with its mountains, lakes, and sun, and feels like home, with family and a new-but-already-comfortable church, but it is not home for me at this moment. All the same, leaving was difficult.

Well, we tried.

The fruitless job search continued, which brought up an obvious question: what about camp? Camp Evergreen, where I have spent a good chunk of May through October for the last four years, seemed an obvious back-up plan. But camp, and camp ministry, can never be a back-up plan. It's too exhausting and requires too much intentional diligence to be a back-up plan. It can only be THE plan. While I was contemplating this, God intervened and said that yes, it would be THE plan. (Side note: I feel preachy, but I'm just telling this story. I never would have made the decision without hearing from God. God is a huge part of my story.)

And so, for the fifth season, I packed my life into plastic tubs and made the drive. I spent the first week re-certifying as a challenge course instructor (side note: that's part of 25 Before 25!) in very cold, windy weather. After a day of emergency drills in which I encountered a 127-Hours-type situation, I am again fully certified (certifiable?) to spend hours and hours clipping and unclipping our guests into our zipline. (That sounds bitter. The only bitter part is the tendency for gross spring weather there. I really do love my job as a CC instructor!) I have so much more to say about camp. It's going to have to take up another post of its own.

What to do if Duracell gets stung by a killer bee while K2 is climbing
and the only people around are Sunshine and Fender

I am writing this now from Lethbridge, where I am spending this week catching up with friends, enjoying the Southern Alberta spring, and participating in various musical activities. (Plug: Lethbridge Symphony Orchestra concert is tomorrow night, U of L theatre, tickets at the door. Ukrainian dancers, people! Will I get kicked in the head? Will my music be blown off the stand by a whirling dervish? Will I finally lose my hearing from all that cymbal crashing? Who knew being a horn player was so dangerous...)

Lethbridge spring

I have been immensely blessed in these two months. God has been providing for me in all ways. As always, I look forward to whatever is coming next!

Moving on, moving up

Today was my last day of work at the photography studio.

Oh don't worry, this isn't a sad thing. It's a moving on, moving up thing. I am looking forward to trying something new. (With that said, I'm on the job hunt again, so keep me in mind!) I feel oddly excited about moving on. It could be that the excitement is masking terror. I have worries, but I have God. Well, God has me.

I thought of feeling other things. I thought of feeling sad, and I felt sad saying goodbye to my coworkers who have become my friends, my desk that has been my eight-hours-a-day home, my job that has been a comfortable routine.

I thought of feeling sentimental, and I felt sentimental as I reminisced about my interview, my first day, the first time I was challenged, the first time I was reamed out by some disgruntled woman on the phone.

I thought of feeling nervous, and I felt nervous while mentally adding up the numbers and calculating how many weeks it would be before money would become uncomfortably tight.

But all I really felt was glad. I felt glad that I made friends with my coworkers, glad that I was blessed with a job for this time, glad that I have pleasant memories, glad that I have grown as a professional and as a person, glad that after many financially worry-free years I have learned and will continue to learn about money management, glad that my life was enriched by another experience.

What next? It's wide open. It's a big world.

(On an unrelated note, yesterday was Chris's 31st anniversary as a professional photographer. We got him this cake, and took our first staff group photo. Coincidentally, the last staff group photo.)

The spoils of Christmas

This Christmas I received a ton of really great gifts! Taking stock:

1 ride to Calgary with a willing friend

1 overnight stay with generous relatives

1 pain-free flight to Kelowna

1 afternoon of Christmas decorating

1 gorgeous nightly view of the Okanagan sunset

1 afternoon of gingerbread house construction

2 Christmas Eve church services complete with carols, drama, and pop culture references

1 morning of excited gift-giving

1 morning of thankful gift-getting

1 giant turkey dinner made by and eaten with extended family

3 awkward ukulele duets with Mom

1 "fast-flipping family game" with cousins

1 afternoon skating at an outdoor rink

1 tour of city Christmas lights

1 beautiful, exhausting day of downhill skiing

1 lunch date with a guitar-playing, dog-loving, drywall-installing friend

1 breathtaking drive through the Rockies

2 nights spent at Camp Evergreen

1 morning of snowshoeing

1 stunning midnight homemade fireworks show

So this is Christmas

A Merry Christmas to everyone!

Another month has gone by, much the same as that first week. Go to work, come home and watch TV, use days off to go to church, clean the house, and shop for groceries. Nothing ever happens that's out of the ordinary.

Around Christmas, people get cranky I guess, and I've been on the receiving end of a number of angry phone calls. Someday I'll laugh at hearing "Thanks for ruining my son's soccer photos, click" but when it happened I was a little shell-shocked. I hope I never holler at someone for a mistake like she did.

Then, there are the bus regulars. I've never spoken to them, but that little bit of familiarity is really nice.

I was part of a Christmas production at my church again this year for the sixth time. Watching the show in rehearsals was painful at times, partly because of the disorganization, and partly because of the content. But then we thought, God is bringing people to this show, and he'll use the cheesy lines ("You've got to turn your lens toward Jesus!") and the out-of-tune musicians to help our city realize that just because we're Christians doesn't mean we've got it all together. And isn't that what being a Christian is all about anyway? Realizing we haven't got anything together.

For Christmas I've come to my parents' house in Kelowna. The last time I was here was the end of the summer, and coming back in the winter is the strangest thing. Normally Kelowna turns ugly in winter, but I was welcomed with fresh snow. It's wonderful to be home, and to have the time off, and to drive again.

We'll be doing Christmas dinner with the Kelowna branches of our family, which is a fairly large group by our standards. I'm just hoping to avoid the completely despicable but unfortunately inevitable game of Wuckie Duckie. Who invented this game, I have no idea, but they obviously had no concern for personal space.

Still frustrated by not having time to practice or do more research about graduate programs, but I've realized that it's never going to be convenient. And so, I started filling out applications. Hold me to it, friends.

To finish:

The state of things

I am living in the city of Lethbridge, which over the last five years has come to be my home. I can live with, predict, and even appreciate its weather patterns. I see people I know all over the place.

I have no car. Ugh. I'm navigating the transit system easily, but it just takes longer. And waiting at bus stops is a cold burden to bear.

I have a job. Full-time, working with a goofy photographer and his semi-awkward assistant. It's nothing to sniff at or look down on, but the thought of doing something like this - answering phones, booking appointments, writing up invoices - for the next forty years is just short of repulsive. There must be a job out there for me that I will love and look forward to going to every day.

On the bright side, today I put together someone's wedding album and she didn't hate it. Success!

Also how do people work full-time, and still have time for life? There are things I should be doing, like cleaning our house, and things I want to do, like meeting friends for lunch, that I just don't have time for. I've come to have more respect for parents who have full-time jobs and kids and still manage to get those kids to school and soccer and band and feed them while still keeping themselves upright. Amazing.

I live with two really nice girls who are, unfortunately, getting to know more about me than I'd like. For example, how much I dislike even the slightest bit of noise after I've gone to bed, which is ridiculously early. And how much I hate crumbs on the counter. And how territorial I am.

I didn't go to church on Sunday. I didn't have a ride. That's just an excuse.

I moved here planning to study with Tom, my wonderful horn teacher, and look into applying to grad programs in music for next year. So far I might have practiced once. I need to find time to practice and have lessons and research schools. If I wait too long I'll have to wait another year. And then what?

I've been cooking, just from recipes. They're easy to follow, but I know there are people who have difficulty with recipes, so I'm glad it's been working for me. Also groceries are expensive and you think twice about snacking all the time when you were the one who bought the grapes and the peanut butter.

Packing lunches for work is the lamest. I thought I was done with packed lunches when I finished school but I don't think I ever will be. Sandwiches, apples, granola bars. Exciting.

Today I sound bitter about this move. I'm not really bitter, just tired from trying to work all these things out in my mind. I know it isn't a lot. But this is my first experience with real life and adjusting is hard work.

At camp during the summer we would do Pows and Wows, where everyone had to think of one Pow (a negative thing) and one Wow (a positive thing) for the day. The one rule is that you have to end on a Wow. I hate Pows and Wows, but I get the concept. So this has been a lot of Pows, and I should really end with a Wow.

I should really end with a Wow.

Something about fall

My last "here's what I've been up to because I've been pretty awful about updating anyone about my life" post ended on a blindly optimistic note. I had no idea what was coming next, but I was looking forward to it.

Now that the two months that were in the future at that time are now in the past, it strikes me how ridiculous it is that anyone would ever panic about the future. The days roll on at a rate of exactly sixty minutes per hour, and we do things, simply because we can't do nothing. I mean, you can do nothing, you can sit and do nothing, but even that is doing something. Time stops for no one.

At some point after I had written that post, I decided to go back to camp. To be honest, I had decided to spend the fall season at camp as soon as it was suggested to me. But for me, there's the point at which I've inwardly agreed to do something, and then there's the point at which I broadcast it. So when I wrote that post I just hadn't reached the broadcasting part yet.

Spending September and October at camp was great! I was a member of a staff of thirteen very different individuals. When it comes to staff teams, I've seen quite a few. I don't know that I've ever worked with so many completely different people at once, but somehow we made it work. By the end of it, though, I had spent one too many days in the dish pit and about fifteen too many days at the zipline, and I was worn out.

About halfway through October, I had the chance to briefly visit Lethbridge, the city I recently left as our family moved to Kelowna. I loved visiting friends there, seeing the university, and, above all, attending my church there.

That was the point at which I'd inwardly agreed to move back to Lethbridge.

I didn't broadcast it until I signed a rental contract for a little room in the upstairs part of a house shared with two other girls I very vaguely know. It all fell together easily. I felt sure-footed as God guided my steps, dropping things into my lap. A camp friend said, no, things are not falling into your lap, Jesus is whipping them at you!

My new house is disguised as a forest.

I am slowly adjusting to being "moved out" for the first time. I'm navigating the bus system, comparing prices, and even cooking. Yes, it was soup from a can, but the point is that I made it.

Next, I will be looking for a job. I'm not sure yet what it will be, but whether it comes as a fastball-to-the-face or a feather-to-the-sleeve, I'll take it.

Next up

Today is the last day of my fall season here at camp. I have spent close to two months here, and it's been mostly good. Each time I come back and spend a lot of time here, though, I remember that it's difficult for me to spend a lot of time here. It's hard to stay motivated and engaging so that our guests have the most enjoyable experience possible. I'm not very good at pasting on a smile despite being exhausted and annoyed. So the end is coming at a good time. I love camp, its ministry, and what we do here, but I'm glad to be able to take some time off. Then I'll be able to come back for weekends completely psyched to be here, and I love that feeling!

Next thing starts tomorrow: Moving back to Lethbridge. It's the first time I'll be moving out for real. I'll be paying rent and buying groceries like a regular person. What my life will look like for the next six months or so is pretty much completely unknown. I'm nervous, but also excited. I have missed Lethbridge more than I cared to acknowledge since we moved away four months ago.

So here's to starting something new without a clue about what it is!

Something about summer

Today marks the beginning of fall in our family, with brother and sister heading off to school. Even though I'm still working on my own plans, I'm looking forward to the new season. I love this time of changing leaves, apple harvests, and chilly mornings.

Summer will turn into a pretty memory. I've been living out of boxes or suitcases for almost all of it. It's been one of the busiest summers I've had in a long time.

I spent the month of May at Camp Evergreen, with some of the most wonderful friends I've ever had.

Then, two weeks of music in Quebec, learning from new friends and inspiring mentors.

Next, two weeks of packing and sad goodbyes in Lethbridge as we prepared to move to Kelowna, where we spent two more weeks settling in and adjusting to the heat and the welcome claustrophobia that comes with living in a valley.

After that I went to Red Deer for three weeks of MusiCamp, a steep and exhausting learning curve that resulted in more new friends and some completely fantastic times to look back upon.

I spent a week at home in Kelowna before realizing I simply had to go back to Camp Evergreen for the last week of the summer season, and boarded a plane the next day. I loved being there with friends old and new, crafting together, laughing together, walking together.

I followed more whims during the next week, visiting treasured friends in Lethbridge. The church that will always feel like home. A hike and swim outside of Fernie. Coffee with an endearing old professor - and when that got awkward, with two close friends who passed by just in time.

A ride with a friend took us to Edmonton where MusiCamp friends waited, and an amazing recital awakened something in me that slept for a while after graduation last year.

Word games, conversation, bizarre what-if questions, and the belting of power ballads made the long road trip home pass quickly. Then, this house doubled in occupants as for one night we housed friends and family heading to the coast.

And suddenly, it was over. The bags were unpacked, hair conditioned for the first time in weeks, coffee stains finally washed out.

I see that I have made more new friends this summer than I have since my first year of university. They listen, support, encourage, pray, sing, laugh, tell stories, make terrible jokes, play music, and make the day better just by existing. I love these people. I thought I was a hermit, a loner, happier by myself. I'm not. I need people, and I've got them.

And so we move into a new season. I've a feeling that this year will look much like my summer: spent in many places, with new friends to be made and new experiences to be had. This isn't the end of anything, but a continuation of what's begun.

Looking back on this summer makes me realize that I'm far too sentimental to be functional, sometimes. The rose-coloured glasses are on, but I'm glad that even though there were dark days in the last few months, my memories are bright and unfiltered.